The First Time I Didn’t Tuck a Menstrual Pad in My Sleeve at Work and Nobody Died
I was 12 when I got my first period
I vividly remember the first day when I got my periods. My mom woke me up, pulling the blanket off me and saying something like, “Wake up, sleepyhead, it’s time to get ready for the daaaaay.” Suddenly, she gasped and stared at somewhere below my back.
I opened my eyes and turned my head backward to see what’d made her so shocked. My panties were covered in blood, and I didn’t need another proof of understanding that I got my first period.
Instead of cheering me up and saying that leaking overnight is not a big deal, she ushered me to the restroom and brought me a huge, thick sanitary pad — one from her own package. I was sitting on a toilet, terrified, swallowing tears. Like many girls my age, I thought that someday, I’d have my first period and become a woman. But that morning, I was 12, still played dolls, and binge-watching Wild Angel with Natalia Oreiro. I was 100% sure I didn’t turn into an adult woman in a night.
My mom’s reaction made me feel hugely embarrassed and ashamed of myself for making this morning chaotic and smudging my panties and the sheets. To make it worse, she told me I wasn’t going to the dance class that day. Treating me like I was ill, my mom said that I shouldn’t exercise these days, so I had to stay home.
Period-shaming in cultures
In my mom’s defense, she behaved the same way as her mom. To be honest, the experience of having the first period was even worse when she was a girl. My mom was raised in a village, and my grandma was even less delicate about this topic. They used cotton wool and bandages to make sanitary pads because they couldn’t buy those.
Like in many families of soviet and post-soviet countries, in our family, female hygiene has always remained a taboo topic. Women were supposed to smell like soap, be clean, and fresh. On the opposite side, menstruations stood for sin from the religious perspective and were associated with dirty stains and unsavory odor and thus, must have been kept secret.
In many tribal religions, menstruating women were and are considered dangerous and aren’t allowed to cook for their husbands or touch the game. For example, Huaulu women (Indonesia) must live in isolated huts during menstruation and bathe at special fountains to keep men from the “harm” of impurity. While Western Christian countries are less extreme, this topic remains inappropriate to discuss. People having menstruations are thought of as dirty and cursed and are supposed to skip sports or sex.
Are we drug dealers?
My mom taught me many rules about menstruation. I should have flushed the toilet twice to make sure no blood blots were left, hidden sanitary pads in a drawer under my underwear, and worn dark clothes and panties so no one could see me if I had leaked. Should I mention that I wasn’t allowed to exercise during my period and bring up this topic when my dad or other men or boys were around? From a young age, I figured that menstruation represents illness and disgrace. My teenage years were marked by intense relationships with my body image, and period-shaming didn’t help.
This discretion policy flourished at university as well, even though I studied linguistics, and most students were girls. Regardless, when a girl needed to go the bathroom to change a pad or tampon, she had to tuck it under her sleeve or slip it carefully into a pocket like a drug dealer. The main rule was to keep these things invisible and hide the fact that you’re menstruating.
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Ultimately, the world taught women to stay in disguise about monthly bleedings and not only women. Transgender men and genderqueer people experience this pressure, too, in addition to the discomfort and anxiety about their bodies not matching their gender identity.
Till recently, many companies producing tampons and sanitary pads like Tampax or Always used their commercials to portray menstruation as something dirty and smelly, implying the people who have them are too — dirty and smelly. For years, commercials replaced images of menstrual blood with the confusing blue liquid and did their best to create an illusion of a “happy period.” Their message was simple — “our products are so fabulous, you can wear white trousers, go jogging, partying, or horse-riding, live your average life, and no one will notice anything!”
The truth is there’s no such thing as a “happy period” — period. People having menstruation often struggle with severe cramps, headaches, backaches, acne, and mood swings. And society doesn’t help make them feel less uncomfortable about their bodies. What we need to learn — people with and especially those without menstruation — is that there might be nothing to be happy about having period, but there’s also nothing to be ashamed of too.
So what can we teach each other about menstruation?
Having your period shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself
In fact, having regular periods is a sign of hormonal, thyroid, bone, metabolic, and reproductive health, whether you’re planning on having children or not.
For many years, advertising focused on forcing people to buy deodorants or deodorized sanitary pads and tampons, implying that people on periods are funky. The truth is if you change pads or tampons regularly, most vaginal odors are normal and healthy. Scented pads, oppositely, can cause even more harm than odor. Unlike regular pads and tampons, they contain chemicals that disrupt the natural cleaning process of your vagina and can cause allergic reactions and infections.
If you have any concerns about vaginal odor, please see your gynecologist instead of self-diagnosing and covering it up with fragrance.
The period liquid is not blue!
A blue liquid that commercials use to represent menstrual blood on TV or in movies creates an inaccurate, confusing image of what periods are and their role in people’s health. We’re not disgusted by viewing blood in horror movies or medical dramas, but can’t tolerate menstrual blood, seriously?
We should educate people around us that this menstrual euphemism doesn’t make any sense and adds to the feeling of embarrassment. The menstrual liquid is not blue unless you’re a Smurf. If yours is blue, then you should probably consult your gynecologist.
Pads and tampons are average sanitary products
When you’re having a cold or sneezed too hard and need to borrow a paper napkin, do you lips-whisper to your friend that you need one, tuck it in your sleeve, or sneak it into your pocket so not a soul sees you’re about to blow your nose?
Changing a sanitary pad or tampon is as natural as brushing your teeth, helping you stay clean and healthy, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.
Destroy myths about menstruation
The less we talk about menstruation, the more misconceptions get born. Teenagers and people who don’t have a uterus create stereotypes, biases, and jokes about what it’s like to be on period. While some of them might be ridiculous, others make us doubt: “Maybe swimming in a pool is unhygienic and my blood can infect water?” or “What if having sex during my period is unsanitary and unhealthy?”
Proud menstruating warrior
However, I have a confession to make. Even though I’ve always thought of myself as a feminist, till recently, I’ve always felt embarrassed taking out a pad in an office space or buying pads in a store, especially if there were men in a line.
After one year of mental therapy and 3 seasons of the Bold Type TV series, I decided I shouldn’t feel ashamed of being born a person with a uterus and vagina. If I’m being honest, I did notice teenage boys standing behind me in line whispering and laughing when they saw a package of sanitary pads, potato chips, and a bottle of wine. But I felt so proud of myself for ignoring their reaction and conquering these childish superstitions of mine. With a pack of pads in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other, I walked out of the store like a proud menstruating warrior.
The next day, when I caught myself sneaking a pad out of my bag in the coworking space, I reminded myself that sanitary pads aren’t much different from vitamins. They both help me stay healthy, and I should be high-fiving my hormones and ovaries for running like clockwork and doing a great job. I took a breath and, holding a sanitary pad in my hand, marched to the restroom. And you know what? No one stared at me. No one even noticed.
Should we all become a tad braver about our bodies and embrace the fact that our bodies are truly our choice and no one can dictate to us how to feel about them? Next time you buy a package of tampons, ask for a sanitary pad, or explain to your partner you’re not feeling well today because you’re on your period, do a favor to your body, and call names like they are.
